SICK .

Hello Everyone !

I am currently VERY sick! I am suffering from a very bad cough. It started last Saturday and it felt like a normal sore throat that you'd get when you have a cold but then it just got worse. I lost my voice on Saturday and it was all croaky. Then on Sunday, it was still croaky and it was hard to talk.

Whenever I swallowed my saliva, my throat would hurt and it felt like I was swallowing A THOUSAND PINS and they're all piercing my throat.

This . . . in my throat :(

So on Monday when I had school my throat hurt so much so I had one of those throat lozenges and after sucking on two, it finally stopped hurting but my voice was still croaky. By the end of the day, my voice was gone. Like I had no voice AT ALL. I tried to make a sound but no sound came out. 

And the thing that I felt most uncomfortable with was that when someone had just told me a joke and it was meant to be funny, I laugh but because I'm sick and no sound came out, they look at me like 'Why isn't she laughing?' I KNOW its funny but I'm sick so when I laugh no sound comes out. 

I have so much to say but I can't say it because I'm not meant to talk when I have a sore throat. So instead I whisper and if I whisper they can't hear me :( Sometimes when I say it so soft, I can't hear myself but other people seem to hear me just fine and I wonder to myself, 'How did they hear that?' It's weird ! But at the same time it's cool. 

Then during a self-study period today, I had a coughing fit. If you don't know what it is and you haven't experienced it then . . . LUCKY YOU ! A coughing fit is when suddenly your throat starts getting REALLY itchy and it's all quiet so you don't want to cough but you have to. Like I try super hard not to cough but my face goes red and I start spluttering. 

So anyways what I did was I got up and quickly went to the toilet without running so people don't notice me. I felt so lucky that no one was in the toilet at the time, or I wouldn't have been able to suppress my SUPER itchy throat. I coughed so hard and all this mucus came up. And it felt so good to cough it all out. But then my eyes started tearing up and tears were like running down my face. 

I turned to the mirror to wipe it off and I notice something red in my eye and I pull it down and I find this red patch on the white part of my eye. Turns out I had Subconjunctival Haemorrhage (I have linked a website to find out more this is when a blood vessel in my eye popped and the blood 'spewed' out? It was caused by 'violent' coughing.

On top of the sore throat and haemorrhage thing, I have a runny nose. Why does this have to happen to me? And it conveniently starts when I'm going to have a maths exam next week. *COUGHING FIT* 

Being so sick and all but not staying at home resting. But am I crazy? Maybe? So I instead keep going to school. It's not like I can miss out on a day of school ! I don't want to do all that catching up so I go ! One of my close friends today stayed at home because she is very sick like me but with a different sickness. This suddenly turned out to be a rant . . . 

Anyways I'm writing this while I cough and sniff away. At the moment my throat doesn't hurt but I can feel the mucus stuck in there. My nose is runny and I am so aware of the popped blood vessel that I keep checking on it in the mirror. I have also decided that, if I want my voice to come back sooner, I will stop talking. Instead I will be using a mini whiteboard to communicate with people. Which will be very annoying seeing as I write REAALLY slowly. 

Hope everyone is well ^^

- Black Rabbit ~

In need of Black Rabbit

Hiyaaa,

So one day I let it slip that I wanted to dye my hair and boy was that a big mistake or what? My rents raged at me for like 2 whole hours. I managed to escape their raging voices by giving my dog a bath! By the time I got back they were silent and back to whatever they were doing. And did it end there? NOOOO! They continued their rant about friend's influence and all that. Well it wasn't my friends who influenced me. I just wanted to have a bit of a change.

Anyways, because I don't want to be a hypocrite, I won't rant about that anymore. So usually when I have these kind of problems, I usually go to Black Rabbit to comfort me. He would tell me that I shouldn't worry about things like that. Then Black Rabbit would talk to me about things that would ALWAYS make me laugh. Even though just having a true friend like that, that I can confide with either it being online or in real life, makes me really happy.

Sometimes, when I experienced sad times in real life, I would go online and have a chat with Black Rabbit, and that made me happy instantly. It's fun having to melt into a different world where there's only just you and a great friend. It's just like reading a really good book, but this time, the character's actually care and love you. I don't think I can ever find another Black Rabbit. This could be a sign that I shouldn't rely on other people to find my happiness. HAHA! But I think sometimes, the best thing to do is to release all the negative energy you are feeling and just tell someone about it. Bottling it up (what I do) will one day burst and you will end up hurting someone really badly, either emotionally or physically.

Also negative things can cause bad skin! :P It can make you break out, or give you dark circles if you don't sleep well !

Something like this :) HAHA

- Black Rabbit~

Lonely

Hello,

Recently I have been feeling very lonely. If anyone has read Koko Ni Iru Yo, I too had a black rabbit. My Black Rabbit was very supportive of me. He stops me from feeling lonely. I once told my Black Rabbit that I was very lonely walking to school all by myself. Every day when I would walk to school, I see other students with their friends, talking and laughing. My Black Rabbit seems to ALWAYS walk to school with friends because Black Rabbit is popular.

Hearing how lonely I was, Black Rabbit asked if he could walk with me to school. I was surprised at first but of course I agreed. The next morning Black Rabbit and I walked to school together, and for the first time, knowing that someone wanted to meet me before school to walk together, made me VERY happy :)

I also moved to a different class so the girls in my new class were very awkward with me so I wasn't looking forward to going to maths. But Black Rabbit offered to sit with me. It, however, did not end well...the teacher moved Black Rabbit closer to the front of the class so we got separated. But knowing that he wanted to sit next to me made me happy as well :)

But you know, whenever good things like this happen to me, I always end up feeling even more sad. I can never get my up hopes that finally there's someone who will stay with me as a true friend. Not long after that we grew distant. We stopped talking online and when we saw each other in the corridors we never greeted each other. Once we happened to walk with each other to school, but Black Rabbit instead chose to walk on the other side of the road.

This broke my heart. I don't know what I did wrong. Whenever I make up a conversation with him online, we always have an awkward silence and it just ends there. So once again I felt lonely. Knowing that Black Rabbit was there to hear me complain about my issues made me relax but lately there was no one to confide with and that made me feel sad and lonely. I doubted myself so much.

But I came across a song that really described this feeling and from then on I kept replaying it as if the writer new how I felt and made it especially for me. If anyone is lonely, I request you to listen to Lonely by B1A4. If you don't understand Korean make sure to translate the lyrics and you'll understand.

I'm going to stop ranting now...I hope everyone's not feeling lonely at the moment, because..I know how you feel...

Black Rabbit~