First Day of School. Will I be lonely?

Hellooo,

Today was the first day of Term 3- the last term of Year 11! I will become a Year 12 student after this term. I realised that Year 11 makes me lonely because sometimes when I don't have classes, I walk home by myself. I expect Yr 12 would be the same. :(

I thought today was a fun day. I laughed a lot for the first time in 2 weeks. I read an article and it said "People who tend to laugh the loudest/most are the saddest". I think it's right because at home I feel lonely despite having family members around so I feel REALLY sad. But when I'm with friends I tend to laugh A LOT. The only lonely part of my day was walking home from the station because my friends take the train home and I don't.

I think I have a split personality. When I'm with my family, I'm serious and neutral but when I'm with friends I tend to be very crazy, bubbly and active. I really don't know what my real self is because I feel very comfortable with both personalities. I don't feel like I act that way to fit in or be liked or you know impress.

I've always make myself look presentable to please others but now that I realise that, I've decided that I won't make myself look presentable for others but for myself. I want to look good for myself so that I'll feel good. Having this lonely business is very sad and I can't share it with anyone besides Black Rabbit. But because Black Rabbit isn't here for me any more, I will try to forget about my loneliness problem and try to be pretty for myself because that's what makes me happy.

The only problem is.. when you're lonely..you can't help but think how lonely you are and how much you want some companionship. Some people are very fortunate to be popular and to ALWAYS have someone. But my wish is not to be more popular but to actually have a Black Rabbit where I can depend on when times are tough. A Black Rabbit that will ALWAYS be there. Not just for a month or two months or so, but for LIFE.

Please comment how you deal with loneliness so I can follow on because, I don't want to be lonely any more !

- Black Rabbit~